Welcome to The Bible For The Clueless But
Maybe the last time you read the Bible was when you
had to go to Sunday school. Maybe it was at 1:30 A.M. in a hotel room
when you were looking for something to read. Whenever it was, chances
are the Bible seemed like gibberish, filled with "thous", "spakes",
and "forsooths" like some weirdo on a street corner, babbling in
People used to read the Bible for pleasure. Lincoln read the Bible.
Churchill read the Bible. It�s the greatest bestseller of all time,
the world�s first self-help book. You want to know why? That�s why I
wrote this book.
This book won�t talk down at you from the pulpit or make you feel
guilty. It won�t ask you to accept a bunch of religious dogma on blind
faith, and it won�t pretend to be the only book you ever need to read
if you want to be happy. It will help you understand who�s who in the
Bible, make sense of what they�re talking about, and discover some
really useful wisdom.
About This Book
The Bible isn�t actually one book but many books
bound together. The first big chunk of the Bible is called the Five
Books of Moses. It�s known as the Pentateuch (penta is Greek for
"five", as in "Pentagon"). In Hebrew it�s called the Torah, which
means "Instructions for Living". The Pentateuch is the most important
part of the Bible because everything that comes later depends on it.
Since maybe you don�t speak Greek or Hebrew, we�re just going to call
it the Bible.
This book follows the order of the Bible, but you don�t have to read
it that way. If there�s a story that interests you or you want to know
what the Bible says about something, look it up and start there. You
can also read it straight through from start to finish. Whichever way
you do it, enjoy yourself. There�s no test at the end.
You�ll find that all the well-known stories and important commandments
of the Bible are explained in this book. You�ll also find sections
- God�s parenting advice
- What Cain has in common with the woman who
snarled at you in traffic
- How come the people in the Bible never got
divorced like the rest of us?
- How to be insanely happy all the time
- How to read the Bible after Darwin
- Is God a chauvinist?
- Does the Bible say sex is dirty?
How This Book Is Organized
This book is divided into five parts, and each part is broken into
Part I Genesis / Roots
This part is about the beginning of the world. We�ll also meet a
lot of people whose names became famous, like Adam, Eve, Noah,
Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Rebecca, Jacob, Rachel, Leah, and Joseph.
Part II Exodus / The Birth Of A Nation
In this part we�ll read about the Exodus from Egypt, the Ten
Commandments, and the golden calf, as well as Moses, Pharaoh, the
burning bush, the stick that turns into a snake, and a cast of
thousands of frogs.
Part III Leviticus / Feed And Care For Your Soul
In this part we'll talk about a word that's fallen into disuse
lately: holiness. We'll learn about the holiness of the people, the
priests, the body, and even the holiness of time.
Part IV Numbers / Journeying To The Promised Land
The Israelites had all kinds of troubles on their way to the
Promised Land, and in this part we'll read about plagues, rebellions,
and wars. If you ever wondered why a trip that should have taken two
months took forty years, this is the part for you.
Part V Deuteronomy / A Few Words Before We Part
One month before his death, Moses began to say goodbye to the
people, and he told them what he wanted them to remember when he was
gone. Think of it as a graduation address or an ethical will.